This one is slightly similar to the previous one, let’s say that there’s more initial and less long-term horror and that I spun back 41 years in time from the previous one to write it…going back to the days when my parents were four and five years old and when most of the people I know weren’t even born. In this one, the story is actually straightforward, apart from the bit that refers to a fairy tale about a little girl and a mirror that I read long, long ago.

Njegova majka, oblak

Mama,
tu sam samo ja
i čovek tri ulice odavde,
a ovo je trg izgubljenih snova…
i popločan je mojom tugom.

Mama,
molim te reci mi
kad ćeš plakati i ja ću
pokupiti tvoje suze…
i suze onih koji su s tobom!

Ako se nebo otvori nad našom baštom
koju si toliko volela,
tamo će rastinajmirisnije trešnje.

Ako se nebo otvori nad lukom
gde si me često vodila
tamo će plivati samo zlatne ribice.

Mama,
šapućem svakoj kapi kiše,
znajući da si tu
i ako te nema više…
ja ne želim da odeš.

Mama,
skupio sam svu kišnicu,
sastavio sam tvoju sliku,
i čekam da pričaš sa mnom…
gle, i ti si se meni nasmešila!

Ako se ova vuna od crnog šećera
više nikad ne pojavi nad mojom glavom
ovo će biti mnogo bolji svet.

Ako budeš u mojim snovima
koje su nam tog jutra ukrali,
odavde će stizati samo ljubav.

__________________________________

His Mother, A Cloud

Mommy,
there’s only me
and a man three streets away
and this is the plaza of lost dreams…
tiled with my sorrow.

Mommy,
please do tell me
when you’ll cry and
I will pick up your tears…
and the tears of those there with you!

If the sky opens up above our garden
which you used to love so much
that’s where the most fragnant cherries shall grow.

If the sky opens up above the harbour
where you used to take me to
that’s where only the goldfish shall swim.

Mommy,
I’m whispering to each single raindrop,
knowing that you’re there
and even though you’re no longer here…
I don’t want you to leave me.

Mommy,
I picked up all rain water,
I put a picture of you together
and I’m waiting for you to speak to me…
look, you smiled back at me, too!

If this dark sugar candy floss
never appears above my head again
this will be a much, much better world.

if you remain in my dreams
which they’ve stolen from us that morning
this will be where only love comes from.

PMDD is getting the best of me these days, causing swellings, enormous eating binges, temporary depression and rants out of control. There are a couple of people whom I avoid because they could cause me a total…I shall not use that word in this entry, it would be offensive. So, that’s why I have not posted in a while. I am starting to realise that I will need to break my modesty-caused fear of doctors and actually seek for help as this is one wicked illness and it ruins down 1/3 of each month for me.

This one was meant to be posted around the end of April, then I realised that I don’t want to do so as I am not after publicity, I’m after feelings and truth. Since there’s no truth and there’ll never be truth, I’m settling for feelings based on things I felt and I still fell, things that I saw happen on a member of my own family (and we’re reasonably away from the place-that-shall-not-be-mentioned because you should guess). Having spent about a month reading about the things, that would otherwise only be at one of the last pages of most school history books and perhaps some physics books, on a bigger scale, I am more than shocked.

The first line was modified from a song popular here in ex-Yugoslavia, the all-caps word isn’t all-caps in the original song, duh. It’s all-caps for a very good reason. And hey, the event in question did happen while ex-Yugoslavia still existed and was an utopia (that, however, next to the whole continent, could not escape the unscapable in this case). All the biblical references are intentional, as they often are in my writings, despite the fact that I’m an atheist.

Jedina crvena jabuka

Ne daj se, INES.
Ako zagrizeš jabuku, biće jarkocrvena.
Na svetu nikad ne beše crvene jabuke.

Ne okreći se, molim te, strašno je.
Više nema nikoga da obere voćke,
senke cepaju tišinu i čujem jauke.

Neko se udavio u praznom bazenu,
neke vatre nikad neće biti ugašene.
Neko je pao sa zaribalog točka,
hoće li molitve ikad biti usklišene?

Još godinama ćemo grickati pelen,
zar ne vidite koliko je gorak?
I odatkle su se pojavila sva ta
deca od plastelina?

Pitajte predvodnika zašto mu je nos crven,
pitajte ga šta je jutros jeo
i da li je to smeo
i odakle je stigla ta mučnina?

Sahranili smo ubicu.
Spakovali smo ga u olovnu grobnicu,
no on će nas sve nadživeti.

Slobodno se okreći, no iza tebe je,
ulepšao je sve one usamljene voćke,
i već planira sve buduće jauke.

Nekoga je progutala ribetina ispod mosta,
neke lutke nikad neće biti očešljane,
neko je izdahnuo na drugom kraju kontinenta,
mnoge duše ni ne znaju da su otpisane.

Još godinama ćemo grickati pelen,
zar ne vidite koliko je gorak?
I odakle su se pojavile sve te
žene koju deluju asimetrično?

Zapitajte se šta biva ako ti se ne pohomeri,
jedemo onu crvenu jabuku
koja nije smela da odbegne.

____________________________________________

The Only Red Apple

Don’t give in, INES.
If you bite the apple, it will be bright red
And there’s never been a red apple in the world.

Don’t turn around, please, it’s terrifying,
And there’s no one to harvest the fruits,
shadows tear the silence and I hear weeping.

Someone’s drowned in an empty pool
Some fires will never be put out
Someone’s fallen out of a rusted wheel
All these prayers, will they be fullfilled?

We’ll be nibbling on wormwood for years to come,
can’t you see how bitter it really is?
And where did all those
playdoh-made children come from?

Ask the leader why is his nose red,
ask him what he’s eaten this morning
and if he was allowed to
and why he’s feeling nauseous?

We burried the killer.
We packed him in a lead tomb,
but he will outlive each and every one of us.

Turn around freely, it’s behind you, anyway
It has beautified all those lonely fruits
And it already has future screams all planned.

Someone’s swallowed by a fish under the bridge,
some dolls will always have their hair unkempt,
someone’s died at the other end of the continent,
some souls don’t even know they were written off.

We’ll be nibbling on wormwood for years to come,
can’t you see how bitter it really is?
And where did all those
assymetric women come from?

Ask yourself what happens if you don’t pull a homer,
We’re eating that red apple
that was not meant to run away.

Religion...WTF?
This was not meant to be offensive. It’s just plain strange. Plus, it was glowing.

(Also on Flickr)

In one week’s time, if I don’t go all weird from remembering it, I’ll try to tell you a story, the way great Umberto Ecco once did, leaving out the actual plot, only describing the characters, before and after (for example, his take on Red Ridinghood sounds like some sort of a soap opera excerpt, that’s how confusing it is). Until then, here’s some of the last month and some of this month last year and some of the last year and half…

…described through the mind of someone who likes to eat and make stuff. Not really carve wood; but the word game in the English version simply made me use that verb. Plus, it sounds more poetic than photoshopping (which actually did appear in some of my older p..s and makes me wonder if I have taken nerdcore to a whole new level by implementing it into poetry) and poetry itself. The only more poetic thing is baking cakes, at least that’s what one of my favourite book characters of all times, Anne Shirley-Blythe made me believe. By the way, it looked totally blah when Diana edited her story and made it commercial, didn’t it?

Gricka mi se juče

Gricka mi se juče.
Mrzim praznine.
Mrzim nove početke.

Sisam otkucaje.
Ližem komadiće srca.
Neizvesnoreksija.

Pijuckam krvotok.
Sve se završi gorušicom.
Čekolimija.

Sto za jednu osobu.
Tanjiri pastelnih boja.
Monotone šare.
Ovoga puta tu
nema nikakve toksične farbe.
Je l’ tako?
Je l’ tako?

Rezbari mi se sutra.
Ponosna sam što sam u ovoj kuhinji.
Ponekad, ipak, razbijem tacnicu.
Čuje se “zvuk”.

_________________________________

Craving Yesterday

I’m craving yesterday.
I hate blank spaces.
I hate new beginnings.

Nibbling on heartbeats.
Snacking on heart bits.
Suspenorexia.

Drinking up bloodstream.
Ending up with heartburn.
Waitimia.

A table for one.
Pastel-coloured plates.
Monotonous patterns.
This time there
Isn’t any toxic paint.
Is it?
Is it?

I’m carving tomorrow.
Proud to be in this kitchen.
Sometimes, however, I break a saucer.
It makes a “sound”.

A special thanks to my dear friend Eleni, the first person who read this p..m and told me what she thinks of it.

Someone else's broken dream

…because we all have them, don’t we?

(Also on Flickr)

A little p.. I wrote last night. Before anyone accuses me of misogyny, the character in question is not a human being.

Nikad svoja

Sav med koji ćeš proćerdati,
sva vrata koja će se zatvoriti,
sva krv koju ćeš okusiti…glupačo!

Glupačo.
Glupačo.

Ne pružaj ruku.
Pogledaj levo.
Pogledaj desno.
Ne uzimaj prstenje.
Budi sama.

Sve klice koje će uvenuti,
svi snovi koji će izgoreti,
sve rane koje će se gnojiti…glupačo!

Glupačo.
Glupačo.

Ne povlači oroz.
Pogledaj napred.
pogledaj nazad.
Nije dobro biti prvi.
Budi negde sa strane.

Ne vredi…ne čuješ me…glupačo!

Never On Your Own

All the honey you’re going to…waste,
All the doors going to close,
All the blood you’re going to taste…stupid!

Stupid.
Stupid.

Don’t give your hand.
Look to the left.
Look to the right.
Don’t accept any rings.
Be on your own.

All the sprouts wilthing,
All the dreams burning up,
All the wounds covered with pus…stupid!

Stupid.
Stupid.

Don’t pull the trigger.
Look to the front.
Look to the back.
It’s not good to be the first.
Be somewhere on the side.

There’s no use, you don’t hear me…stupid!

January 5, 2010 | In: Just clippings

Beautiful Blue

I love the way this turned out. The photo, taken on 11th January 2008, was not that strange before editing and I wanted to send it thirty years back in time and give it a soc-realism vibe, in addition to making it look like a painting. I do hope it worked out.

.

This image is perfectly related to this p…, by the way.

This is an err…uh…nevermind. I tried to draw a giraffe, realised it’s a horse. Then I thought of how bizzare would be to turn a house into an insect who’s modelling for whatever is the men’s magazine of WTF creatures. In addition to that, here’s another proof that god doesn’t exist, at least not for everyone together…because, otherwise this thing would just crawl out of Illustrator and freak the living crap out of everyone I know.

?!?

Yes, I know what’s singular and what’s plural. If I do something deliberately, there’s a specific reason for that. This little story, varying from children’s fairytales to total absurd is told by a friend of mine, who will soon be friends of mine. It’s about their life. And no, this has nothing to do with the cycle of life.

This “character” appears in many of my written works from 1996 on, is a leading character of a play I wrote in May 1999, background character in many of my 2007 and 2008 p….s, mainly because of being close to a particular place.

And we’re friends, honestly, despite the age difference of eight years. When we’re together, that usually results in mobile phone signal being interrupted, some good tamburitza, exceptional photography, inspiration to write and the awesome Orly zander (zander in beer dough). This character is one of the most underrated symbols of my country.

By now, you should’ve at least figured out it is not a living creature I’m talking about.

Jedno pravo betonsko srca

Biću tvoj povratak,
biću tvoj odlazak.

Ja smo tanka, tanka linija,
od severa do juga,
od ljubavi do plača.
Nikad ne spavam.

Vrtoglavi snovi na vetrometini,
zvuk tamburice u žabokrečini,
dva-tri zalogaja Orli smuđa.
Bajke na previše visokih potpetica,
Kraj Sveta negde u blizini,
san kakav ne može da zarđa.

Jednom su probali da me ubiju,
ali mene niko neće ubiti.
Bila je to hladna aprilska noć.
I niko nije čuo moje upomoć.
Znali su da će oni umreti.
Znali su da ću ja preživeti,
iako sam samo usamljena zvezda,
daleko od bilo kog velikog gnezda.

Vodene su vile pevale
i patke sa njima kvakale
i izgubljena jagnjad meketala,
dok su komadi gvožđa fijukali.
Nemam oči, ali zatvorio sam ih,
kad sam ih otvorio, bio sam živ,
svi ostali su bili mrtvi.

Jedan kamion.
Dva kamiona.
Tri kamiona.
Četiri kamiona.
Pet kamiona.
šest kamiona.
Sedam kamiona.
Osam kamiona.
Devet kamiona.
Deset kamiona.

Ledeni kran
sanja zimski san,
svanuo mi je novi dan.
Ledeni kranovi
sanjaju zimske snove,
svanuli su nam novi dani.

Jedan kamion ovamo, jedan kamion onamo.
Dva kamiona ovamo, dva kamiona onamo.
Tri kamiona ovamo, tri kamiona onamo.
Četiri kamiona ovamo, četiri kamiona onamo.
Pet kamiona ovamo, pet kamiona onamo.

Manastirsko cveće je bujalo,
gomila znakova za vetar brujalo,
i kolone su stajale i negodovale,
dok su ljudi udarali i zvečali.
Nemam uši, ali zapušio sam ih,
kad sam ih otvorio, nije bilo nikoga,
samo još jedno, zbunjeno…ja?!

Nekada davno sam bio sam i skrpljen,
ali me niko nije ubio.
I došla je neka čudna, čudna decenija,
gde su svi jurili kao sumanuti,
i gledali me, zabezenkuti.
Kako uopšte stojim?
Kako uopšte žiivim?
Iako sam kadar da povežem stvarnost i san,
mislim da im nisam bio dovoljan.

Ja smo tanke, tanke linije,
od severa do juga,
od ljubavi do plača.
Nikad ne spavamo.

Biću tvoji odlasci,
biću tvoji povraci.

A real concrete hearts

I’ll be your return.
I’ll be your departure,

I am a thin, thin, line,
from north to south,
from love to cry.
I never sleep.

Dizzy dreams with wind in my face,
sound of tamburitza in the backwater,
a couple of bites of Orly zander.
Fairy-tales on too many high heels,
The End Of The World nearby,
A dream where no rust can wander.

Once upon a time they tried to kill me,
but nobody can succeed in killing me.
It was a cold lonely April night
And nobody heard my cry for help.
They knew they would inevitably die.
They knew I would be the one to survive,
though I appear to be a sole lonely star,
each single big nest is too far.

Water faeries were singing,
Alongside the ducks were quacking,
And the lost lambs were bleating,
As pieces of concrete were swishing.
I have no eyes; nevertheless I closed them,
Once I opened them, I was alive,
But everyone else was dead.

One truck.
Two trucks.
Three trucks.
Four trucks.
Five trucks.
Six trucks.
Seven trucks.
Eight trucks.
Nine trucks.
Ten trucks.

A frozen crane
hibernates.
A new day has come.
Frozen cranes
Are hibernating.
New days have come.

One truck this way, one truck that way.
Two trucks this way, two trucks that way.
Three trucks this way, three trucks that way.
Four trucks this way, four trucks that way.
Five trucks this way, five trucks that way.

Monastery flowers were blooming,
a bunch of wind sings were mumbling,
Queues would stop and swear,
People would hit, nail and tear.
I have no ears; nevertheless I muted them,
Once I opened them, nobody was there
Except for me and…just another, confused me?!

Once upon a time, I was lonely and patched up,
but no one had killed me.
And some odd, odd decade had arrived,
Where everyone was running in a craze,
And looking at me, in a daze.
How do I even stand?
How do I even live?
Despite being able to tie dreams to real world
I was never enough for them.

I am thin, thin, lines,
from north to south,
from love to cry.
We never sleep.

I’ll be your departures.
I’ll be your returns.

January 3, 2010 | In: Just clippings

2010 is gonna be…

For the starters, here’s something simple, typography based. There’s a stickman who is, at the same time, a part of a face. It’s like work, really: an eternal struggle to find balance between freedom which the subject is reaching to, their arms wide open and the shackless of the routine, survival and society represented by a grimasse somewhere in between a frown and an angry look.

03rd January 2010 - #design365
Unbalanced

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Iva In Brief

03.03.1983. Design junkie (FW, PS, AI, ID, PR, AE, FL, AC), fluent in XHTML and CSS, has basic/intermediate knowledge on PHP and mySQL. I speak Serbian/Croatian, English, Italian, some rusty Russian and ancient Latin, basic German. I write p..s, sometimes prose. I love trees, absurd and learning new things. I'm an ALTRUIST above everything else. I live in the centre of Beograd, Serbia with mom, dad and three amazing black locusts in front of our windows.

Website In Brief

This website is my third personal one. Currently, it is just a blog where I post my writings (mostly p...s), photographs, design work, memories and, if the time permits, typical memories of a day in a life of me (as if anyone cared).

If you are looking for…

- power of women
- shoes, handbags, hairstyles etc
- me, you and www
- TV show obsessions
- celebrity gossip
- camgirls
- parties, alcohol, hot sex
- latest trends in everything

....you're in the wrongest of wrong places. Go elsewhere!

DO NOT LOOK!

The theme needs to be worked on. It'll be black locust-ish and moorish idol-ish once I'm done...probably.

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